Have you ever wondered if saying “sorry” in a longer way actually makes people believe you more? It turns out there’s real science behind why long-winded apologies seem more sincere. Recent research has found that when someone takes the time to give a detailed and wordy apology, it comes across as far more genuine than just a quick “I’m sorry.” But why does adding extra words make such a big difference?
What Makes an Apology Feel Sincere?
We’ve all been on both sides of an apology—sometimes giving one and sometimes receiving one. Think about the last time someone apologized to you. Did a simple “Sorry about that” cut it? Or did you feel better when the person explained what went wrong and how they’d try to fix it? According to new research highlighted in the study “Long-winded apologies seem more sincere,” people consistently rate lengthy apologies as being much more heartfelt.
Here’s what researchers found:
- Longer apologies are seen as showing genuine remorse.
- Verbose statements of atonement make listeners think the speaker really cares.
- People are less likely to forgive if the apology feels rushed or too brief.
- The extra words help communicate empathy and understanding.
- Specific details in an apology add credibility and trustworthiness.
So next time you’re tempted to just mutter a quick “my bad,” remember that taking your time might actually help patch things up faster.
Why Do Long-Winded Apologies Work?
It might sound counterintuitive—shouldn’t we get straight to the point? But when it comes to apologizing, a little bit of elaboration goes a long way. People tend to associate effort with sincerity. When someone spends time crafting their words and explaining themselves, it signals that they genuinely care about making things right.
The act of being verbose also helps in other ways:
- You have space to acknowledge what went wrong.
- You can express regret in multiple ways.
- You’re able to offer solutions or plans for change.
All these extra details show the other person that you’re not just apologizing because you have to—you’re doing it because you want them to understand how much their feelings matter.
An Example from Everyday Life
Let’s put this into a real-world scenario. Imagine you forgot your friend’s birthday party. You could text “Sorry I missed it!” and technically tick the box for apologizing. But picture this instead:
“Hey, I’m so sorry I missed your birthday party last night. I completely lost track of time with work deadlines and didn’t plan my evening well enough. I know how much this celebration meant to you and I really wish I could have been there for you. Please let me make it up to you soon—maybe brunch this weekend or coffee on me?”
Which message would make you feel better as the friend who was forgotten? Most of us would choose the second option without hesitation.
Personally, I remember once missing an important family event because of travel delays. When I finally got home late at night, I made sure not just to say sorry but also explained everything that happened—and how disappointed I was about missing out. My family appreciated knowing all of that; they said my wordy explanation helped them see how much I cared.
Tips for Making Your Apology Count
If you want your next apology to hit home (and maybe even repair some damage), here are some tips:
- Be specific: Mention exactly what happened and why it matters.
- Acknowledge feelings: Let them know you understand how they feel.
- Explain yourself (but don’t make excuses): Give context without shifting blame.
- Offer amends: Say what you’ll do differently or how you’ll make it up.
- Avoid rushing: Take your time—don’t just dash off a quick note.
Taking these steps doesn’t mean writing a novel every time something goes wrong! It’s about showing effort and care through your words.
The Bottom Line—Should We Always Go Long?
So does this mean every single apology should be drawn-out and detailed? Not necessarily—sometimes situations call for brevity (especially if the mistake was minor). But when relationships really matter or feelings run deep, putting in that little bit of extra thought can go a long way.
Next time you’re tempted by a fast “sorry,” think about whether it’s worth taking another moment or two. Could those extra sentences help rebuild trust?
What’s your experience—have you ever received an apology where the length changed how sincere it felt?
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